well...i have just returned from a night on the town....pour a little of that red wine truth serum or some wobbly pops into lulu and things get a little wild!!...
...for years i have had a somewhat nagging curious obsession about the front of mens underwear....it all stems from some discontentment between myself and my brother many years ago...i was 'cross' (that's a nice way of saying pissed off!) with him and wanted revenge...he always waited 'til the very last second to go to the loo (that's bathroom here in my little corner of the world)...i thought if i sewed up all the openings in the front of his underwear, he would wait 'til the last minute and then be panicked when he couldn't guide his one eyed trouser snake through the 'doors'....so i sewed up the 'openings' in all his underwear and waited to hear of my success....well, little did i know that men, boys, girls in boys underwear etc. don't use the openings, they just pull the underwear down and flop over the top...ever since that failed operative, i have made it a point to query men about whether they use the escape route or just flop over the top...
.....if there are men out there who use the corridor i haven't met them or they are very secretive about their point and shoot practices....maybe it's THOSE guys who have lousy aim? i mean really, how hard can it be? ~ get your filthy minds out of the gutter ~ how difficult can it be?....so i would like to know why they are there in the first place? the openings, not the trouser snakes...(did you know it wasn't the apple that tempted eve, it was adam's one eyed trouser snake?)...and why do they make fake ones on little boys underwear? and why are they painted on diapers?...
...then there is another whole issue about mens underwear that gets me 'cross'...how come, with all the extra fabric and sewing (and did you ever notice they inspect mens underwear? what's with that? what are they hoping to find?) mens underwear costs less than ladies underwear? and they are always the best cotton...all we get is extra wide dental floss (fanny floss) and we pay so much more...why?....
....and since most good children are in bed asleep as i write this, i want to know, why condoms are sized like large, xtra large, huge, etc...yet feminine products are mini, minute, microscopic...i would like to see the truth!! men are mini, minute, and microscopic...where do they get condoms to fit those guys? they are easy to identify because they drive big, noisy, shiny cars...and what about women who would like to buy large, heavy duty, catastrophic, feminine products?......
....once upon a time, again, with those bad hockey girls, we ended up in a bar...in this bar we bought things out of dispensers...no, not the aforementioned, but stuff...well, little lulu ended up with a 'peter meter'....let me tell you, besides my 'man in a drawer', that has been the most handy and well used purchase i have ever made...don't use it any more now that i have (according to my friend jeanette) 'given up meat'...but, in my day, let me tell you...a man had to measure up before he could play hide the sausage with me!!....i hope my questions have started the little wheels turning in your heads....oh, and do always remember and never forget..."life's far too mysterious to be taken seriously" oscar wilde
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