...some days are dogs....

lulu slept in this morning!! i am sure my dog, the buddha, turned off the alarm...he has taken to sleeping with me every night now....it's ok if i get there first, but if i don't...it's the couch for me...he's a bouvier, and until you have experienced bouvier flatulence (not jackie bouvier kennedy) you have never known suffering...so, if i don't get there first, it's his poop chute on my pillow instead of his head!!...today is shaping up to be quite the day...i think the mushrooms i picked from the cow pies for last nights pasta sauce were "sillies" (psycicybin mushrooms, magic mushrooms)...that would explain the random thoughts dancing in my head...i thought taking the buddha out in my forest would settle me down...i refer to these woods as my 'back forty'....they are quiet and they stay that way because i post cougar and bear warning signs and then throw a few bones around the start of the trail...still, although i have improved, read on with caution....

when i was young , my bad hockey girls (yet again) took me with them to pick mushrooms in the cow fields on the edge of town...for some reason they always put me out in a field by myself with a couple of stubbies (am i old or what!) of beer and would return for me when it was time to go...well one day, after consuming my beers, i had to pee....couldn't see anybody or anything around so i dropped my bell bottom jeans...la di da...and no shit (no pun intended) i hear heavy breathing over my shoulder...i reacted so fast that i stood up, pee'd on my birkenstocks (yet again!!) and tripped over my levi's back into the biggest cow pie i have ever seen ...and i swear that cow was laughing at me....i ate a lot of beef after that hoping one of those burgers was that damn cow!!....so for lulu, it was a long, long, lonely walk home...the man with the 'honey wagon' picked me up and threw me in the back with his mix for the last few miles home...needless to say, despite being a team, my hockey girls never took me out for mushrooms again...

random thoughts....'hemorrhoids are gods gift to assholes'....'hearse ~ father time's delivery van'...hell hath no fury like an asshole with a lawyer...make that a 2 year old with a lawyer'....'two wongs don't make a right....but you can have one hell of a ping pong game'....these little thoughts brought to mind family suppers at uncle ernie and aunty ellen's, where uncle ernie, right after blessings at their traditional holiday table, and as he was just about to spear that first piece of turkey, would say..."everytime you masturbate, god kills a kitten"...the look of horror and despair on my older cousins erwin and eddy's faces was unbelievable.... those words always sent them flying away from the table, fighting over the can of WD 40, racing up the stairs and tearing the mattresses apart...when i got old enough to actually understand what uncle ernie said, i could never figure out why those randy cousins of mine didn't just keep the bed springs 'lubricated' all year long...maybe they were always to busy giving 'thanks'....

i'm starting to feel less 'shroomy' now so you should be safe...my friend dolly invited me to her knitting group on sunday afternoon, stitch and bitch, but she always seems to forget how dangerous i am...i run with scissors...i admit i have knitting needles, but i use them for my souvlaki on the grill...my sister does the same souvlaki thing with her knitting needles, but she has shish kabob skewers that she knits with!!...i think today i have learned that alice isn't the only girl to have had bizarre experiences with mushrooms...tweedle dum, tweedle dee xox