well...lulu has lots of things to spew about today...insurance...how come insurance forms, most forms actually, but especially insurance forms, have such little spaces to write in the information they are asking for???...if you can't inscribe the lord's prayer on the head of a pin, then you can't fit the info in the space provided...and the questions they ask!...i received a phone call today from a woman compiling the info for my insurance application...i already spent an afternoon at the bank filling in the form, but she wanted to ask me all the same information again....i already know they will reject me, because somewhere, at some point in the process, an honest person answers yes to a question....but i like to make them go find out for themselves, for being stingy bastards in the first place, so i just answer "no" to any and all questions...
...have you ever applied for insurance in the past and been rejected?..no...(yes actually, all the time)...have you EVER experienced headache, fatigue dizziness?...no...(hangover yes...wait, alcohol is another question...)...have you ever had an xray, or cat scan or mri?....of course not, people can see right through me...have you EVER been in the hospital?...no, i was born in a log cabin in the woods....i have never been to the doctor, never had an infection, never taken medication, never been depressed, never had a blood or urine test (despite the fact that i studied for them), no one in my family has ever died from anything, my daughter was born on a bus (don't worry, i wasn't driving at the time), i have never chewed gum, eaten junk food, had fun, or otherwise enjoyed life...why do you ask???...
...in about 9 days (3 days longer than their question session lasted), when they have found out what should have been yes answers, i will receive a note from them, saying ever so politely, " we are very sorry, we are unable to provide you with insurance at this time, or ever, because you might at some point actually need it"....by then...they will probably have spent more money looking for the yes answers than they would have had to pay out in insurance...
...in my little corner of the world, we are required to have stickers on our cars sharing information about our driving experience or lack thereof...we have L for learner and N for newbie....i personally think we should utilize the whole alphabet, just like the soup...A is definitely 'asshole'...B better late than never...C can't you make up your god damned mind?!, D dope, dimwit, dolt...E effing whatever...F fuddie duddie...G go ahead, i dare ya!...H hellooooo!!!...I i'm only speeding because i have to poop, or incontinent...J jerk!...K kill me why don't ya?...L...M maybe you'd like to step out of the car and say that to my face...N...O ok, fine, be that way...P people like you make the worst drivers seem good...Q quit riding on my ass...R right officer i'm so sorry ~ not!...S stick this where the sun don't shine!....T tickets? i thought you NEEDED tickets to get on a ride...U u can't be serious?!!...V very original...W where did you learn to drive?...X xcuuuse meeee!!...Y you paid way too much for that beamer, because none of the signals work...Z zzzzzz asleep at the wheel again....
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